I love being a wife and mother. There is nothing better or nothing else I would rather be doing. My girls make me so happy and we have so much fun together. I love taking care of Bryan and the girls. I have always wanted to be a wife and mother, since I was very young. There are so many joys but also many frustrations. Lately, we have been trying to teach Niah obedience. This is a difficult task. Most days she is really good, but others, grrrr. She will just look at me and do the opposite of what I have asked her to do or she will ignore me completely. When it's time to come in from the playground I have to ask her about 10 times to get inside. I used to get really frustrated and I would get very upset and yell at her to get her to listen, then she started sounding just like me- not what I wanted. The past month or so I have tried harder to control my anger and frustration and things have improved in that area. Niah is very headstrong and she is too smart for her own good. Getting her to help clean up around the house is like pulling teeth, she doesn't have a very good work ethic! I feel like I am always getting after her and I have to repeat myself a hundred times before she will do anything. I don't like feeling like that. I get so mad at myself for yelling or getting upset at her, but sometimes it's the only way she will listen to me. Some days I wonder if I'm good for anything other than cooking, cleaning, and getting after kids! So, I guess my question to all the mothers reading this is, how do I get her to listen without causing a huge scene? I don't want Niah or Chloe to remember their mom as an onery, yelling, mad woman! I need some advice!!
On a happier note, last night, Niah found her princess guitar and was singing to me while I got the house picked up. I think she might be a song writer/musician someday. She loves to sing and play music. Her songs make me giggle. She uses such big words like 'celebrate' or 'difficult' in her songs. I wish my sister Tam lived closer so that she could give her voice lessons!!
Chloe is such a funny girl. She knows when I need a hug. Last night, I was mad at the world and mad that the girls room was a mess, again, after I cleaned it yesterday morning. Chloe came over to me and climbed in my lap and gave me a hug. It was so sweet. It made my whole night better.
I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea from this post, I'm just venting! I love my girls and love being a mom. There is nothing I would rather do than take care of them and be with them all the time. I'm trying to capture every moment in my head so that I don't forget what they were like when they were little! Time goes too fast.
Here's one of Niah's songs. She cracks me up!
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Here we are at the top of Niah's castle!
Here's Niah and her best friend Addi playing in the dirt!
12 comments:
I wish I had some advice... instead I am waiting patiently for others to comment so I can get some advice! All I do is bribe, bribe, bribe... ALL day long it seems like! This age is so hard but so fun! :)
Oh man, I wish I had advice, but I'm not experienced there yet...I am nervous about when Pres starts to get in that stage:) She already can be a little fireball sometimes:) You are the best mom though and I'm sure that your "meanest" is most peoples' nicest:)good luck Nat and I'm looking forward to read the advice that people give:) Love you!
tam
Those strong personalities and free spirits are the downfall of mothers. Land snuck out of the house the other night when I got to his friends at 6:00am he was all like, "what's the big deal? We had to conquer our video game". Top thing is they always know your there for them and have their best interest at heart. I used to have little rewards for picking up so many items. Or we still do the 10 minute power clean-up. Even though my kids are teenagers they still like help or you being with them when you pick up. Your doing fine! Always be kind to yourself.
Natalie, first of all I have to say thanks for taking that leap and being honest with how you feel. There are definately no judgements being passed and I actually feel relieved when I hear someone feels the way I feel. I often get mad when I have picked up toys for the millionth time or asked Lawrence 10 times to do something. I get frustrated because I feel like all I get is an aching back, physical exhaustion, and my house is never COMPLETELY clean.
A few things to help with the mess and maybe the listening--I limit the amount of toys the boys have. Second, I have put most of the toys in small bins in the top of their closet (out of reach). Lawrence will just point and tell me what he wants and I get it down, he plays with it and then the deal is if he wants more he has to clean that bin up before he can get another one down. He still has toys within reach, just most are put up so I can keep it better under control and he is more willing to pick up (there's incentive).
As far as the listening goes, I just always encourage Lawrence to show me what a big boy he is and that he can teach Porter how to clean up. We sing sometimes as well. I also give him a specific thing to clean up and tell him I will pick up such and such while he picks up his item.
Parenting is hard. You always have to be on your toes and what works one week doesn't work the next. You are doing great!
Thanks for being so honest, I think we all feel this way at one time or another!! (usually more often than once!!!) Brad is very strong willed too, and time out works well for us. I just stay very calm (or at least I try to) and explain to him, "If you do this one more time, you go to time out" or "if you haven't done this by 3 you go to time out" etc. There are certain things that = an automatic T.O., no q's asked, like hitting or spitting. But I find that when I stay calm, and just tell him, "Ok, you know that means you have to go to time out" and do it calmly, he stays calmer too and is more eager to obey again once he's out of time out. And follow through - don't ever make threats you can't keep, because once you start making unbelievable threats, and then don't follow through (because you can't) you lose credibility, and they won't listen. We try very hard to only threaten something that we are willing to do. If you say, "If you don't come right now, we are leaving" you better be ready to leave. :-)
Overall I'm sure you're doing awesome, and we all have hard days where we feel like failures. But there are also days where our children are well behaved and happy and loving, and you know there is success mixed in there too. :-)
Good luck!!
-Sara
First off, I can't stop laughing about Niah's 'rockin guitar debute'. She has some talent! Tell her she is going to have to do a concert when Grams and Gramps come to visit.
Now, about the motherhood frustrations...know you are having normal feeling and frustrations that are just part of the job description. One thing I learned early on is the louder I got the louder the child got or the more I was ignored. I truly lived by little charts and motivation prizes(bribes!). There are a lot of books with fun ideas and I've seen a few on the web too. I'll look some up and forward them. Sometimes when the kids are ignoring you or are grumpy/acting out, they just want you. They want to have a book read to them, a hug, do a small craft, etc. Just pause, regroup and you'll figure it out.
Remember when I said that there would be days that you would reflect on that college degree? and other life experiences? Don't forget you have accomplished a lot of things in your lifetime and there are many more to come. You're on the motherhood rollercoaster ride and there are ups and downs and your sweet little family couldn't survive without you. Be kind to yourself - pat yourself on the back - remember to breath and praise the stink out of them when they are doing the things you ask. Rephrase the way you try to get them to do things..."You are my bestest helper Ni". Notice and praise for whatever she is doing right (even if it is that she only picked up one toy, it will get better). Ok, all of this is easier said than done, so my bestest mother advice - good luck and remember my motto,'whatever works!' (within reason! ha, ha) You're a beautiful mother, wife, daughter and don't ever forget it.
love,
your mama forever
ps. Read the Visiting Teacher messages from August and September and look up all of the scriptures. I did this and it was a great reminder of our 'noble birth'. It gave me a boost!
O heavens! I feel your frustration Nat, and I'm not even a mom! It kinda makes me feel guilty, because I am pretty sure I'm guilty for making my mommy feel the same way! I love the video of Niah! She is getting so big I can hardly believe it! When I think of her I still think she is a little girl (well she still is little but you know what I mean right?) I miss you guys so much I can't wait to see all of you again! Tell the girls that their aunt Kelsie LOVES them for me okay!? and congradulate Niah on the amazing song! I love you guys and miss you tons!
P.S. Mom (Grandma Shannon) said she loves the song as well!
Hailey is the same way, and i know how you feel, it can be so frustrating. Lately I have been singing to her fun clean up songs and when i need her to come inside from playing or to get her to do anything I will make up some up beat fun song. Hailey really likes this. Instead of yelling I will just start singing. It has worked with Hailey and she is crazy stubborn. Good luck, and you are a great mom. I have watched you with your girls and you do an incredible job.
I obviously have no advice...give me 5 years! LOL! But that video of Niah on the GEE-tar ROCKS! That girl has one great set of lungs!!!
I hear ya Nat! Our house is far from perfect but 2 things that work for us are:
I made Addi May a chore chart that she puts stickers on everyday for getting dressed, combing her hair, picking up her toys and putting the silverware away from the dishwasher. She gets penny's for her piggy bank at the end of the week for how many jobs she has done.
We also have a toy monster that lives in our basement. If there are toys on the ground when Addi goes to bed, they are not there in the morning--the toy monster got them and they stay in the basement for a while. Hey it works for us! Addi knows now and tells me before she goes to bed that she needs to pick up her toys.
If you figure out a way for moms not to have these same frustrations from time to time, let us know. I can just picture our own moms asking for advice as well --they won't admit it now though. :) We were perfect and always obedient, right?
You are doing such a great job as a mom. Sending you a virtual hug.
Also, that guitar serenade was AWESOME.
Uh, I think I just peed a little... ba ha ha!!! Niah is so stinkin' hilarious!!! And I just had a flashback to home videos of you Nat when you were about this age. Ha ha. :)
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